


all that you are is all that i'll ever need

by gentle_autumn_rain



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Uther Pendragon's A+ Parenting (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23516371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gentle_autumn_rain/pseuds/gentle_autumn_rain
Summary: From the first day they met, Morgana was a force of nature in Gwen’s life, like a wave sweeping her along on whatever adventure or scheme she cooked up, and Gwen gave up fighting against the current long ago. She’s happy being Morgana’s best friend and has accepted that the two of them will never work out. Which was why she had been slightly confused when Morgana had approached her, asking her to be her fake girlfriend for a weekend at the Pendragon estate.
Relationships: Gwen & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwen/Morgana (Merlin), Morgana & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 119





	all that you are is all that i'll ever need

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Certafied2468](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Certafied2468/gifts).



> For my dorkiest and least intimidating friend

“This is Gwen, my girlfriend.”

Gwen forces a smile on her face, pushing down her rising nerves as she reaches her hand out to shake that of the man standing taken aback and disapproving in front of them. He stares at her hand for a moment, looking back and forth between her and Morgana, before his upbringing seems to catch up with him and he grabs her hand, giving it a perfunctory shake.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Pendragon,” Gwen says politely.

“And you as well – Gwen was it?” Uther Pendragon gives her a tight smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “I must be frank, the last I heard of you, you were dating my son.” 

“Er, right.” Gwen darts a glance at Morgana, who is watching Uther with her chin lifted and her gaze cool. “W-well, yes, Arthur and I did go out on a couple of dates — ”

“Before she met me and realised how little my oaf of a brother could compare,” Morgana cuts in smoothly. Gwen notices the slight hesitation before the word “brother,” the revelation of their blood connection still a fresh wound. Gwen sneaks her hand between them to hold Morgana’s and feels fingers clutch tightly at hers.

“I see.” Uther’s mouth is a thin line. “Well Morgana, common courtesy would indicate that prior warning is appropriate in this situation. I’m afraid we don’t have an extra room for your friend. There’s a hotel – ”

“Oh don’t worry about that.” Morgana lets go of Gwen’s hand to slide her arm around her waist, letting her fingers rest on Gwen’s hip. “We’re no strangers to sharing a bed, right, baby?”

Gwen lets out a (only slightly hysterical) giggle, feeling her face flush. She leans more fully into Morgana’s side to hide her tremble, and stutters out, “Y-yeah.”

“And I apologise for not telling you she was coming, but Gwen surprised me this morning, so I didn’t even know she was coming until today.” Morgana throws on a big smile, eyes crinkling at the corners, and boops Gwen’s nose with her finger. Gwen suppresses another nervous giggle. “She called in sick just for me.”

Uther’s voice is frosty when he next speaks. “Well, then. She can stay with you in your old room.” 

“Lovely.” Morgana’s voice is not much warmer. “Now if you’ll excuse us, we’ll go get settled in before dinner.” 

She releases Gwen’s waist and grabs her by the hand, tugging her along as they head for the sweeping staircase.

“Oh, and Morgana,” Uther calls after them. “Your brother just got promoted. Let’s keep dinner focused on his accomplishments rather than any...pastimes you’ve become involved in.”

“Of course.” Morgana bites out, keeping her back to Uther. “We’ll all celebrate Arthur.”

Only Gwen can see the clench in Morgana’s jaw, and she knows how much Uther’s words must hurt her. Uther has the uncanny ability to make both of his children feel inferior to the other. He’s well-versed at playing his children’s insecurities against each other.

“Let’s go, love,” Gwen says, and because she is feeling brave, she presses a kiss to Morgana’s cheek. “I want to take a shower before dinner.” She waggles her eyebrows meaningfully, ignoring Uther’s icy presence in favor of Morgana’s delighted smile.

“What a little tease you are.” Morgana is laughing as they enter her bedroom, or suite rather, as it’s the size of Gwen’s entire apartment. Sometimes she forgets how rich the Pendragons are. “Did you see the look on Uther’s face?”

“Was it too much?” Gwen chews her lip nervously, hovering by the doorway.

“Are you joking? It was perfect! He had no idea what to do.” Morgana collapses back on her bed. “He really thought we could just be a perfect little family this weekend, and now he has to contend with the fact that his daughter is a lesbian. That’s like, the worst possible thing I could have sprung on him. And you! You were the best fake girlfriend ever, Gwen, just the right amount of sweet that he can’t get too angry at you, but in-his-face enough that he can’t forget.”

Gwen smiles weakly, feeling only slightly relieved. From the inception of this scheme, her worry has not been whether she could play the part of Morgana’s girlfriend well enough, but rather that she would play it  _ too _ well.

“Seriously, Gwen,” Morgana says as she sits up, her green eyes fixed steadily on Gwen. “Thank you for doing this.”

“There’s no need to thank me.” Gwen finally leaves her post by the door and comes to sit tentatively next to Morgana. “You know I’d do anything for you. Well,” she adds hastily. “Not – not anything, of course, I probably wouldn’t murder someone, but I can stand to piss off your homophobic father for one weekend. He’s a real – a real jerk,” she says decisively.

Morgana lets out a laugh. “That may be the harshest thing I’ve ever heard you say about anyone before.”

“He deserves it.”

“He does,” Morgana agrees. They sit in silence for a moment, side-by-side, and Gwen is debating whether she should reach out a hand to Morgana when Morgana stands abruptly and says, “Well, I’m going to freshen up for dinner. We’re really going to need to lay it on thick, especially if Arthur’s there.”

Gwen watches her go, hands twisting nervously in her shirt. She doesn’t regret agreeing to this per se, but it hasn’t even been a day and already she’s feeling overwhelmed by how  _ easy _ it is to pretend to be Morgana’s girlfriend. She’s dreading how much harder it will be to return to the status quo, knowing what she could have if she was just a little braver and Morgana actually returned her feelings.

From the first day they met, Morgana was a force of nature in Gwen’s life, like a wave sweeping her along on whatever adventure or scheme she cooked up, and Gwen gave up fighting against the current long ago. She’s happy being Morgana’s best friend and has accepted that the two of them will never work out. Which was why she had been slightly confused when Morgana had approached her, asking her to be her fake girlfriend for a weekend at the Pendragon estate.

“But – why me?” Gwen asked. “Surely you could get any woman you want. Why would you want me as your fake girlfriend if you could get a real one?”

Something flashed in Morgana’s eyes, too quick for Gwen to decipher it. “It’s a lot to throw someone into, don’t you think? And what are you talking about, Gwen, anyone would be lucky to date you. If anything, we’re going to have to convince Uther that  _ you _ settled for  _ me _ .”

Gwen blushed and protested, but she conceded to the plan. There wasn’t a lot that she wouldn’t do for Morgana.

It’s only now, sitting on Morgana’s enormous four-poster bed in the gorgeous Pendragon mansion where she grew up that Gwen starts to feel as though she’s in over her head. Not to mention the fact that Arthur is arriving for dinner any minute now, and Arthur will be a lot more difficult to convince of her and Morgana’s relationship. She has few qualms about lying to Uther, but lying to Arthur – whom she actually cares about – makes something settle unpleasantly in her gut. But Morgana had been adamant.

“Arthur can’t lie for shit,” she said. “Look, we’ll tell him the truth after this weekend. But if we’re going to convince Uther, Arthur can’t be in on it.”

Gwen reluctantly agreed. She just hoped that Arthur wouldn’t be too skeptical of the idea that gorgeous, charming Morgana had deigned to date someone like Gwen.

“Hey, Gwen.” Morgana’s voice calls out from the bathroom, and a moment later she steps out, clad only in her bra and underwear and holding two dresses. Gwen lets out a squeak, feeling her face heat and barely resisting the urge to cover her eyes. “Which of these dresses is sluttier?”

She forces her eyes not to linger on the black lace covering Morgana’s chest. “Um – the left one?” 

Morgana studies it for a moment before giving a nod of agreement. “Good thinking.” She sweeps back into the bathroom, leaving Gwen sitting flustered on the bed, staring after her.

It’s going to be a long weekend.

Surprisingly, Arthur is only mildly shocked at the news of Morgana and Gwen’s relationship, although it takes a little bit of persuading that Morgana isn’t messing with him.

“Why am I just now hearing about this?” Arthur’s eyes are narrowed in suspicion. “How long have you been dating?”

“Almost a month,” Gwen says promptly. They figured out their backstory early on. “We just – well, we weren’t sure if it was going to work out, and we didn’t want to – to worry anyone before we became official.”

“Plus, I wanted to keep her to myself for a little while.” Morgana leans in to nip at Gwen’s earlobe, purely for Arthur’s benefit, who makes a face of disgust. Gwen doesn’t even have time to properly enjoy it before Morgana is drawing away again.

“Okay, okay, I believe you,” he says, eyeing them. A grin breaks out on his face. “That’s really great for you two. How did uh, Father take it?”

“About as well as can be expected.” Morgana shrugs. “He suggested Gwen should get a hotel room and pulled me aside to ask if I was doing this just to get back at him.”

She says it in a cavalier tone, as if it doesn’t matter, but Gwen knows that it does. A surge of anger rises up in her.

“You didn’t tell me that,” she says quietly. What kind of father reacts to his child’s coming out like this? Morgana may have invited Gwen purely to piss Uther off, but she certainly isn’t pretending to be gay.

“It wasn’t anything I didn’t expect,” Morgana says with forced lightness, although she refuses to meet Gwen’s eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Arthur looks a little crestfallen. “Well, I have your back with this, Morgana. I’m really, really happy for you two.”

Arthur is not naturally an overly tactile person, saving his affectionate nudges and shoves primarily for Merlin, but he reaches out and grabs them both in a hug.

“Thank you, Arthur,” Gwen says into his shoulder. Horrifyingly, Gwen feels her eyes start to water. She was worried about Arthur’s reaction, mostly because they  _ had _ dated once upon a time, and it must be weird to have your ex-girlfriend start dating your half-sister. But his genuine happiness for them is obvious, and Gwen wishes that it was for something real.

“Yes, yes, thank you,” Morgana says as she pushes him away, but both Gwen and Arthur catch the tremble in her voice.

Knowing Morgana like Gwen does, Arthur changes the subject to distract from her moment of vulnerability. “You know, when Merlin first met you, he asked me if you were dating.”

“He  _ did _ ?” Gwen squeaks. “Why?”

Arthur shrugs. “I dunno, he said something about you two just acting like a couple. Gooey looks, always touching. To be fair, when he met you, you were rubbing Morgana’s shoulders and Morgana had brought a bouquet of flowers home for you.”

“Morgana was really stressed out about work – ” Gwen says at the same time Morgana says “That was right after Gwen’s cat had died, I was just – ”

“Whoa,” Arthur says, putting his hands up. “You don’t need to explain yourselves to me, I told him you were just friends. Although it looks like he wasn’t that far off, huh? Guess you were more obvious than you thought.”

“Guess so,” Morgana mutters, face closing off. A pit forms in Gwen’s stomach at the way Morgana’s lips are pursed. 

Desperate to distract from Arthur’s casual admission, Gwen rushes to say, “Oh, I think dinner might be ready! Shall we head in?”

Dinner ranges from mildly uncomfortable (“So, Gwen. What do you do?” “Um. I’m a primary school teacher.” “...Hm.”) to outright tense (“Morgana, Alinead’s son will be in London next week. You should invite him over for dinner.” “Uh, Father – ” “Actually, next week isn’t such a good time. Didn’t I mention that Gwen and I are moving in together? But maybe when we’re all settled. Darling, would that be alright with you?”) to blatantly offensive (“Are we sure that this lesbian nonsense isn’t just a phase? Perhaps you just haven’t met the right man yet.” “Hm. Maybe. But how are you sure that you’re not homosexual? Perhaps you just haven’t had the right dick.”)

Gwen is relieved when they can escape the strained stuffiness of the dining room and retreat to Morgana’s bedroom. Morgana keeps her hand hovering at the small of Gwen’s back and even slides it down to grab Gwen’s ass before they move out of view of Uther. Gwen jumps a little, feeling flustered.

“Was that okay?” Morgana whispered. “Sorry, I should’ve asked beforehand – ”

“No, no!” Gwen’s voice is embarrassingly high. “You’re fine, that was – fine.”

Still, to prevent herself from spontaneously combusting, she makes sure to slide her hand into Morgana’s to ward off any further mishaps, and the two of them walk up the stairs together, their shoulders bumping into each other.

“I’m sorry Uther reacted so awfully,” Gwen says in an undertone, squeezing Morgana’s hand. “I knew you said that he’d react badly, but I had no idea…”

“It’s fine,” Morgana smiles at her. “Honestly, the shade of purple he turned when you started talking about redecorating the flat together made it all worth it.”

“I thought the vein in his temple was going to burst!” Gwen giggles. “And when you told him he should try Grindr, I actually thought he was going to start shouting.”

They reach the door of the bedroom, and the moment they step in Morgana releases her hand. Gwen tries not to feel a pang of heartache at that, but Morgana surprises her by turning to face her and wrapping her arms around her.

“I’m so glad you’re here with me, Gwen,” Morgana says into her ear. Her hair smells like coconut and vanilla, and Gwen attempts not to breathe in the scent too obviously.

“Of course.” Gwen squeezes her tight, raising a hand to run it down Morgana’s hair. “You know there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” She draws back so she can look Morgana in the eye, and feels a shiver of excitement go down her spine at the realization that Morgana is a good couple inches taller than her. “I’m just...glad I could be here to support you.” 

Morgana smiles at that, one of her soft, special smiles she saves just for Gwen, and Gwen feels the corners of her lips draw up in response. 

_ Her eyes are so beautiful. _

Gwen could have quite happily stayed gazing into Morgana’s eyes all night, but they're interrupted by a tap on the doorframe. She turns around to see Arthur leaning against it, a bundle under his arm. Instead of drawing away, Morgana merely repositions her arms so they wrap around Gwen’s front and rests her chin on Gwen’s shoulder. Gwen’s stomach swoops.

“You’re going to be one of those couples, aren’t you.” Arthur rolls his eyes, but Gwen can see the amusement on his face. “I should have known only someone like Gwen could melt your icy heart, Morgana.”

From the way Arthur makes a face, Gwen can tell that Morgana stuck her tongue out at him. “Is there something you needed, Arthur?” she asks before they can start another slapfight. She witnessed the last one, and it was embarrassing for everyone involved.

Arthur holds out the bundle, which turns out to be a couple extra blankets. “George was worried that you would get cold,” he explains. 

“That’s sweet of him,” Morgana says, and Gwen  _ knows  _ that tone, knows the next line is going to be nothing but embarrassing for her – “But I’m sure we’ll find some sort of physical activity to do that can warm us right up. It might even get a little  _ too _ steamy in here.”

And look, Gwen knows that Morgana is just saying this to rile Arthur up, but it still conjures several vivid images in her mind that leave her bright red and overheated. Suddenly Morgana’s arms feel like brands against her skin, and she’s acutely aware of Morgana’s face inches from hers.

“Ew, oh my god, Morgana, I did not need to know that.” Arthur actually covers his ears. “Alright, I’m leaving, goodnight,  _ Gwen _ ,” he adds, pointedly leaving Morgana’s name out, and they’re finally alone. 

“Well,” Morgana says, detangling herself from Gwen. “That was fun.”

“I’m going to go shower,” Gwen blurts out, and rushes into the bathroom to escape.

She turns on the shower and steps in, the water colder than she normally would set it, and dallies in the bathroom for as long as she justifiably can, making sure to spend extra time brushing her teeth and combing out her hair.

Finally, she can’t delay any longer, and she comes out to see Morgana already tucked under the covers on the right side of the bed, having gotten ready for bed while Gwen was showering. Gwen hesitates, the realization that they would be sharing one bed hitting her. Of course she had seen the bed earlier today, but she hadn’t quite put the pieces together until now that she and Morgana would be  _ sleeping in the same bed. _

“Did you want the right side?” Morgana asks, mistaking her silence. “I can move over if you want.” She shifts and the covers fall down a little, exposing the silky night dress she has on.

“No!” Of  _ course _ Morgana would wear something like that to bed. Gwen suddenly feels very silly in her cat pajamas. “No,” she says again, in a more normal tone of voice. “The left side’s good.”

And to prove it, she shuffles over to the side of the bed and slides in under the covers, pausing only to turn off the lamp by the bed before laying down.

“Goodnight, Morgana,” she says into the darkness.

“Goodnight, Gwen.”

It’s quiet for a moment, the only sound the creaks of the house and Morgana’s steady breathing. Gwen’s heart is racing, although she doesn’t know why. It’s not like she and Morgana are even that close to each other – they have a good few inches between them – but it’s knowing that Morgana is lying  _ right there _ and that if Gwen wants to, she can reach out and touch her.

She flips on her side, only realizing her mistake when she meets Morgana’s gaze. Morgana quickly flits her eyes away and turns her head back towards the ceiling. Gwen has to swallow as she admires Morgana’s moonlit profile and her dark hair spilling across the pillow. She looks ethereal, like a Greek goddess. Gwen’s heart aches at her beauty.

She turns again onto her back and stares up at the ceiling, exceedingly aware of the sound of her breath in the quiet room. For a long time, she lays there, trying desperately to think of anything except for the woman spread out a foot away from her, and it’s not until she hears Morgana slip into the deeper breathing of sleep that she can finally relax.

Thankfully, when the sunlight causes her to blink awake the next morning, she is  _ not _ clutching Morgana like some sort of octopus. Small blessings.

Morgana’s back is to her, and embarrassingly enough, Gwen’s arm is stretched out, as if she had tried to reach for Morgana in the night. She quickly withdraws her arm towards her body, breathing a sigh of relief that Morgana seems to be deeply asleep.

She’s jolted into full awareness by a sharp knock on the door, and the sound of George, the butler (and of course the Pendragons have a butler, because apparently Gwen has entered the world of Downton Abbey), clearing his throat. “Breakfast will be ready in fifteen minutes.”

There’s the sound of his footsteps retreating. Morgana stretches beside her, turning onto her back to shoot Gwen a smile. “Good morning,” she says cheerfully. “Nothing quite like waking up to George’s dulcet tones, huh?”

Her quick alertness makes Gwen feel uneasy – she’s seen Morgana first thing in the morning, and it takes a while for full sentences to form. She can’t help but wonder if Morgana has been awake for longer than she’s pretending to. Gwen remembers the way her arm was stretching out and feels her chest burn with embarrassment. Had Morgana woken up to Gwen’s arm around her and decided to move away before Gwen could embarrass herself further?

“So,” Morgana says, stretching languidly. “How would you feel about giving me a hickey before we head downstairs?”

Her tone is teasing, but Gwen is still flustered by the thought that she had been spooning Morgana in her sleep and finds herself saying, “Uh, s-sure, why not. It’ll definitely freak Uther out.” 

She regrets the words almost the moment they’re out of her mouth. Morgana looks a little stunned at her acquiescence, but she quickly covers it with a grin. “Alright, get over here.” 

Oh god.

Gwen timidly scoots over until she’s hovering over Morgana, propped up on her elbow. She fixes her gaze firmly on Morgana’s neck, knowing that she’ll burst into flames if she makes eye contact. “Um, let me just move your hair.” 

“Sure.” Morgana’s tone is amused. 

Gwen brushes dark strands of hair aside, revealing Morgana’s pale neck. “Right. Okay.”

Butterflies erupt in her stomach, and in a burst of courage she leans down until her lips are brushing Morgana’s neck. Morgana’s next breath hitches in her throat.

_ Okay, here goes nothing _ . 

Gently, she presses her lips more firmly to Morgana’s neck and begins to suck on the skin. She feels Morgana start, and almost starts to pull away before Morgana lets out a breathy sigh that almost sounds like a moan.

It should be awkward, sucking on her best friend’s neck, but instead Gwen feels herself slowly getting turned on. Morgana doesn’t help, shifting her body under Gwen’s and even grasping one hand on Gwen’s hip. Gwen clenches one hand in the bedsheets so that she doesn’t do something stupid.

Finally, when Gwen judges that it’s been long enough, she pulls away until she can see Morgana’s face, which has a dazed look.

“Was that – was that good?” Gwen whispers, feeling like it would ruin the moment to speak more loudly.

Morgana looks at her in obvious disorientation before visibly coming back to herself. 

“Yup.” Her voice is higher than normal. “That was perfect.” She nudges Gwen aside so that she can sit up more fully, and Gwen has to look away so that she doesn’t stare at Morgana’s neck like a creep.

Twenty minutes later, Morgana is wrapped in a dressing gown and they’re sitting at the dining table across from Uther, who has been glaring at Morgana since the moment she came down stairs, hair purposefully tossed over one shoulder so that the hickey Gwen gave her is visible.

_ I gave her that _ , Gwen thinks, slightly giddily.  _ That was me. _

“So, Father and I were thinking we could have a game of croquet this morning and then have lunch on the lawn,” Arthur says while buttering his toast. He has pointedly avoided looking at Morgana’s neck.

The Pendragons truly were the world’s biggest walking stereotype. “That sounds lovely,” says Gwen. “I might just observe, if that’s alright. I’ve never actually played before.”

“Nonsense,” Arthur replies. “We’ll teach you.”

“ _ I’ll _ teach you,” Morgana says. “Arthur’s an awful teacher.”

“Fine.” Arthur rolls his eyes. “You want to fit in a quick game of badminton while the girls get dressed?” He addresses the question to Uther, whose disapproving gaze is still fixed on Morgana. Uther starts a little. 

“Very well.” He raises an eyebrow at Arthur. “Be prepared for crushing defeat.”

“Famous last words,” Arthur grins at his father, and for a moment Gwen’s chest hurts, because this is one of those moments where it’s clear that as horrible as Uther is, he does care for his children. He was just generally absolutely terrible at showing it.

“C’mon,” Morgana murmurs in her ear. “Let’s leave them to their dick-measuring contest and go get ready.”

The April sky is a clear, vibrant blue, with not a cloud in sight to foreshadow damp weather. Morgana leads Gwen to the side of the badminton court – and yes, there is an actual court – to a couple of chairs set up under a large shade. Morgana gracefully sinks into one of the chairs, and making a split-second decision, Gwen positions herself sideways on Morgana’s lap.

She feels Morgana stiffen under her. “Sorry, am I too heavy?” She peeks down at Morgana. 

“No, you’re fine,” Morgana says, voice slightly strangled. “Er – good thinking.”

She tentatively puts her arm around Gwen to support her, and rests her other hand on Gwen’s knee. The butterflies have returned in full force to Gwen’s stomach, and she takes a deep shuddering breath in an attempt to relax her nerves. 

“You good?” Morgana starts absentmindedly tracing shapes on Gwen’s back, and Gwen lets her steady touch calm her.

“I’m perfect,” she says, and smiles sweetly down at her.

Morgana mutters something under her breath that sounds strangely like  _ Trust me, I know _ , but Gwen feels as though she must have misheard, and elects to ignore it. 

They’re still sitting curled up on the chair when father and son finish their game and come over to the shade, wiping sweat off their brows. Gwen doesn’t look to see what Uther’s expression is, although it can’t be good, instead looking up at Arthur, who smiles faintly when he sees them.

“You two lovebirds ready to be destroyed at croquet? I’ll have you know, I’ve been training since birth.”

“I want you to know, that is the most upper class thing you have ever said to me,” Gwen teases, grinning up at him.

“Ha! Mocking me won’t save you from embarrassing defeat.” Arthur snags Gwen’s hand and tugs her up. “Come on, I want to get in a game before George comes out with the little finger sandwiches.”

“No,  _ that _ is the most upper class thing you’ve ever said,” Gwen says, and feels a thrill of delight when Morgana lets out a laugh.

Predictably, at first Gwen is rather horrible at croquet. Arthur stifles his snorts when her balls wildly miss the mark, while Morgana laughingly tries to correct her technique. At one point, in the most cliché of all clichés, Morgana even wraps her arms around Gwen to guide her in her next swing. Of course, that’s the ball that finally goes through the arch.

“I did it!” Gwen actually claps her hands together like she’s five years old again, turning her head to smile brilliantly up at Morgana. 

“You did.” Morgana is laughing at her, but her face is so bright and lovely that Gwen doesn’t mind. “Great job, babe.”

And before Gwen knows what’s happening, Morgana is cupping her face in her hands and kissing her. Gwen clutches Morgana’s wrists to ground herself as her knees actually go weak, and she spares a thought to how they’re adding another cliché to today before her mind goes blank. 

Eventually, after what seems like days and months of years of Morgana’s perfect lips being pressed against her own, Morgana draws back. Gwen stares at her in shock, only distantly hearing the sounds of Arthur pretending to retch behind her back. 

“If you’re quite finished,” Uther says stiffly, and suddenly it’s too much, being here at Morgana’s family home and pretending to be in a relationship with the woman she’s been in love with for years and getting to have her but also not, and Gwen needs to get out of the unforgiving sun and the judgment in Uther’s eyes and the warmth in Morgana’s.

“Excuse me,” she says, cursing her voice for wavering, and flees back into the house. 

Once inside, she takes a moment to lean against the wall, tipping her head back and trying her best not to cry. She hears footsteps approaching and already knows who it is before Morgana says, “Gwen?”

She opens her eyes and forces herself to meet Morgana’s concerned expression, mixed with something that looks oddly like guilt.

“Are you okay?” Morgana reaches out her hand before seeming to think better of it, and her hand hovers for a moment in the air between them before she drops it. “Was that – was that too much?” 

Gwen shakes her head, not knowing how to put to words the mix of emotions swirling in her head without exposing herself. 

“No, I just got overheated,” she lies, and it sounds unconvincing even to her own ears. “I just – needed a moment.”

When she chances a look at Morgana’s face, she looks even more upset, brow furrowed and lips pressed together.

“Gwen, I’m so sorry – ” Morgana starts, but is interrupted by the arrival of Uther.

“Morgana.” He ignores Gwen. “I would like to speak with you in my study for a moment.”

A flash of anger crosses Morgana’s face. “I’m a little busy right now,” she responds tightly.

“Now, Morgana.”

She whirls around to face him. “I’m not a child you can order around, Uther. You may be my father but that doesn’t mean that I owe you  _ anything _ – ”

“Morgana.” Gwen touches her arm softly. “It’s okay. I’m okay. You go. I’ll wait for you in your room.”

“But Gwen – ” Morgana searches her face, but Gwen keeps it as blank as possible. Abruptly, the fight leeches out of her and she seems to collapse into herself. “Later, then,” she says, and she’s using her formal voice, the one she uses on clients and unwanted advances. Gwen’s heart drops to the floor.

She watches as Morgana brushes forcefully past Uther and the two of them disappear into the study. When they’re out of sight, Gwen lets herself sag against the wall and slowly slide down until she’s sitting on the floor, uncaring of anyone who might see her. She buries her face in her hands.

How can she have let it get this far? Not only is she deceiving one of her closest friends, she’s doing all of this under false pretenses, pretending she feels only friendship for Morgana when in reality she’s basking in every moment of this experience. It feels gross and wrong to enjoy this, when Morgana is unaware of Gwen’s feelings for her. Gwen feels nothing but disgust when she thinks of this morning and the hickey she gave Morgana, all the while knowing that if Morgana knew the truth, she never would have allowed that to happen.

But from the look on her face before she left, it seems like Morgana may have realized. Perhaps Gwen was too forward today, perhaps she enjoyed the kiss a little too much, and now Gwen is terrified that Morgana  _ knows _ and hates her for it.

She again hears footsteps, but she can tell by the heavier tread that it’s not Morgana. She remains stubbornly hidden behind her hands, even as she hears someone stop in front of her and crouch down.

“Gwen?” Arthur sounds bewildered. “Are you alright? What happened out there?”

And of course to Arthur, this must all seem incredibly confusing. There should be no reason that Gwen would freak out over being kissed by her girlfriend. Presumably they’ve kissed dozens of times before.

“It’s nothing,” Gwen sighs and finally removes her hands so that she can see Arthur. “I was just overwhelmed, I guess.”

Surprisingly, Arthur nods in understanding. He inclines his head to the space next to her as if to ask,  _ may I? _ , and she gives him a nod. He shifts to sit next to her, stretching his legs out in front of him.

“I think you’re really brave,” he says suddenly, and Gwen looks over at him in surprise. He’s not looking at her, though, focused on some point in the distance. “You and Morgana both.”

She clears her throat. “What do you mean?”

“I know my father isn’t an easy man.” And isn’t  _ that _ the understatement of the century. “In a lot of ways, he hasn’t caught up to modern times. To things like relationships. And I know it can’t be easy for you, to see how much he looks down on your relationship with Morgana, but I just wanted to tell you that I really admire your courage in coming here anyway.” He swallows. “It – well, it gives hope to others, y’know? It makes people realize that maybe it isn’t so bad to show the world who you really are. Not everyone will agree, but you’ll still have people in your corner.”

It strikes her that Arthur isn’t really talking about people in a general sense. She thinks about Uther as a father and how he has taught his children the importance of appearances above all else, and then she thinks of the pressure Arthur faces to act a certain way and get a certain job and marry a certain kind of person. She then thinks about Arthur and Merlin and how they’re best friends like her and Morgana, but the difference is that when Merlin looks at Arthur, Arthur is already looking back at him. 

She slides her hand over and squeezes his hand in hers. “You know that we’ll always be on your side, Arthur,” she says quietly. “No matter what.”

“Yeah.” Arthur lets out a gusty sigh. “I know.”

“Even if I’m not always around,” she adds, because now she’s thinking of Morgana’s shuttered expression and the possibility that she’s managed to ruin everything. “You can always count on me.”

“What do you mean by that?” Arthur frowns at her. “Gwen, I thought that I wouldn’t have to give the shovel talk to you of all people.”

“No!” She shakes her head. “I would never do anything to hurt Morgana. Just, if she ever decides that we’re better as friends…” She trails off, looking down at her hands.

“You can’t seriously believe that Morgana would ever break up with you.” She shrugs, refusing to look up at him. “Gwen, Morgana adores you. She loves you so much it’s not even funny. She talks about you all the time, she’s always trying to think of ways to brighten your day. You should see her watching you – it’s like no one else in the room exists.”

Gwen feels tears start to well up in her eyes. She wishes Arthur would stop. She shakes her head. Arthur is quiet for a moment, then tries again.

“To be honest with you, the only reason I was so surprised that you and Morgana were together was because I wasn’t sure of your feelings for her.” Gwen’s head shoots up, and she looks at him in shock. “I grew up with Morgana, I’d say that I know her pretty well by now. I could tell that she fancied you the first time she met you. She even said something to me about it one night when she was drunk. She said, ‘I wanna marry that girl someday.’ And then proceeded to throw up on my shoes.”

Gwen lets out a watery laugh to cover the jolt that goes through her body. Had Morgana actually said that? 

“But you… the thing about you, Gwen, is that you are the sweetest person on the planet, and you’re kind to everyone. So it can be hard to tell sometimes how you actually feel about a person. I’d gotten hints that you were interested in her, but nothing concrete. And maybe you don’t see it, but Morgana is head over heels for you. And maybe she doesn’t see that you are, too.”

She muses over that, trying for the first time to see her actions from that of an outsider. She lets herself think about the smile Morgana gives her every time she sees her and the way she’s always trying to cheer Gwen up. It’s true that Gwen has never been overt about her feelings, and if what Arthur said was true...Morgana has feelings for her.

Something settles within Gwen, and for the first time during their conversation, she feels calm. She is going to confess, and whatever happens, the truth will be out there. 

“Thank you, Arthur.” She leans over to press a kiss to his cheek and pushes herself to her feet. She steps towards the stairs and pauses, turning back to look at Arthur, still sitting on the ground. “And you know. If and when  _ people  _ ever wanted to come out...I’ll be there for them, no matter what.”

Gwen is sitting at the edge of the bed when Morgana returns to the room, hands folded in her lap to prevent them from fidgeting too much.

“We need to talk,” she says, and Morgana freezes before a look of resignation settles over her face. Gwen wants to reach out and wipe it from her brow, but she needs to say this first. 

“Look,” Morgana says before Gwen can begin. “I understand if you want to back out because you’re uncomfortable, I shouldn’t have just kissed you like that – ”

Gwen puts up a hand to stop her. “Wait, please, let me speak first.”

Morgana nods warily, expression closed off, and sits a few feet away from her on the bed. Gwen turns so that she’s facing Morgana. 

She takes a deep breath.  _ Arthur said she loves you. He wouldn’t lie to you. _ “When I told you that I’d be your fake girlfriend, I wasn’t doing it for entirely altruistic reasons.” She bites her lip and raises her gaze to meet Morgana’s questioning stare. “I mean, I wanted to help you out, but truthfully...I, um, mostly did it because I wanted to spend time with you. And I wanted to pretend. Even if it was just for a weekend.”

She braces herself, but Morgana mostly looks confused. “Pretend?”

Okay, she’s actually going to have to say the words out loud. She can do this. Maybe. “Pretend that – that you actually wanted me to be your girlfriend. Pretend that we were actually dating.” Morgana has started to catch on, but she still looks slightly bemused. Oh god, Gwen really has to spell it out. “Because I kindasortahavefeelingsforyou. I mean, I don’t  _ kind of _ have feelings for you, I do have feelings for you. Romantic ones, I mean. Like I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you – ”

“Gwen, stop.” Morgana actually puts her hand over Gwen’s mouth, and Gwen can’t actually be offended because at least she’s stopped her from babbling. “You mean that? You actually mean that?” 

For a moment, Gwen is terrified, because those don’t sound like the words of a woman who returns her feelings, but there’s no disguising the hope in Morgana’s tone and the way that her eyes are intensely searching Gwen’s face.

“Of course,” and there’s no hiding the tremble in her voice. “You know that I’d do anything for you.”

And Morgana bursts into tears.

It’s so unexpected that for a moment Gwen just stares at her, baffled. But then her instincts kick in and she pulls Morgana into a hug, stroking her hair as Morgana sobs into her shoulder. She pushes down the razor edges of her despair, forcing herself to focus solely on comforting Morgana and not on the fact that the woman she loves started crying when Gwen confessed to her.

Morgana wails something into her shoulder.

“What? I’m so sorry Morgana, I can’t understand you.”

Morgana lifts her head from Gwen’s shoulder. “I – love – you – too!” she says between sobs, and it’s like time stands still for a moment, because Morgana can’t have said what Gwen thinks she just said.

“W-what?” Gwen says weakly.

Even tearstained, Morgana looks beautiful. “I said I love you too, Gwen. God, I’ve loved you for so long. I-I don’t know why I’m  _ crying _ about it though!” And she sounds so frustrated and petulant that all Gwen can do is laugh.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she murmurs, using her thumbs to gently wipe the tears falling down Morgana’s cheeks. 

“I thought that you hated me,” Morgana says, brow furrowed in distress. “I thought that you could tell how I felt and you couldn’t do this anymore.”

Gwen shakes her head forcefully. “I could never hate you, Morgana. I thought I was so obvious. I thought everyone could see how gone I was on you.” She pulls Morgana back into her arms, and they just clutch each other for a moment.

Morgana pulls back again.

“I told Uther that if it was a choice between him and you, I’d pick you.” She sounds fierce, even as she wipes away the snot from her nose. “I told him that you make me the happiest I’ve ever been, and you’re the best thing to ever come into my life.”

Gwen can’t stand to hear anymore because she might actually float away from happiness, so she kisses Morgana, tears and all. It’s even better than the first, sweet and soft, leaving an ache in Gwen’s chest.

“You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, too,” she says when they finally break apart, and she leans her forehead against Morgana’s. “I’m sorry that you didn’t know that. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you earlier – ”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Morgana’s arms have moved to settle around Gwen’s neck, and there’s barely a breath between their bodies. “I could have said something, too.”

“I guess we really have Arthur to thank for this. He told me that you actually did have feelings for me.”

Morgana groans, but Gwen can tell it’s mostly for show. “Ugh, well we are never telling him that, his ego does not need to be inflated anymore.”

“So would you – would you like to go on a date with me?” Gwen asks, and she’s inexplicably nervous, because what if that was too much and Morgana wanted to keep things casual and oh god Morgana’s going to have to let her down gently – but her spiraling thoughts are stopped in their tracks by Morgana’s blinding grin. Gwen is suddenly breathless, because Morgana is so, so beautiful, she with the shiny dark locks and the brilliant green eyes and the love pouring out of every pore of her.

Morgana says yes, and Gwen kisses her again, all the while thinking  _ I’m in love with this girl  _ and her thoughts are echoed by Morgana’s hands clutching at her waist and the pet names spilling out of her lips between kisses and the happiness blooming up between them, brighter than the sun.


End file.
